It’s a common statement.
“You have to love yourself first, in order to let someone love you”.
But do we really believe that to be true? Or is it a conditioned thought.
Ever since we were young we were told to learn to love ourselves first. That perhaps no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.
In my mind these comments came from a good place and people were just trying to encourage you to love yourself more. A simple ask but something much harder to action.
I do love myself. I love my body for functuoning well with little interuption. Thankful for my heart for pumping that good old O2 around for hopefully a good one hundred years and I love the fact I can walk, talk and run towards the wine aisle at the little COOP by our house if I so wish.
Some other factors of my being I’ve found slightly harder to fall in love with, if at all.
The fact I couldn’t talk to boys growing up was one. Another was that after many years of practice I have no self restraint when it comes to having one glass and also that I’ve walked into more lamposts that Gok Wan into womens changing rooms. I’m not a fan of the occasional dark thought that creeps into my mind at the most concerning of times and my inability to sometimes rationalise with myself. Oh and my congestion. That bloody skin will be perfect ONE DAY.
If I were to ask if there were parts of you that you didn’t love I would hope you answered, like me, with more aesthetic answers, perhaps even humerous one’s because those things don’t measure wether you’re a good human. But of course it would be even nicer if you replied with nothing.
All of the things about yourself that you do love (or at least like) are the only ones that really matter. Your kind hearted nature or your ability to speak your mind. Perhaps you’re a great listener or champion other humans. Maybe you love that you always make friends in the girls toilets on a night out or know you are the best dog mum ever.
It’s not often we think about the parts of us we love. Have a think right now, what do you truely love about yourself? Your hair? Great set of boobs? Personality? I knew there was something.
The fact of the matter is you are so bloody lovely and unique that you’ll have no control over someone falling in love with you. People don’t do that when you tell them you’re ready and they don’t sit there and think. “Ah yes, I’m pretty sure Debs has just worked out that relationship with herself, it’s time to make my move.”
Good for you though Debs.
That lucky person doesn’t care that you still think a microwave mac and cheese is the height of sophistication or the fact you wish you were a cup size bigger and a jean size smaller.
A relationship with yourself is just that. A relationship. Never perfect but perfectly imperfect. It will need working on for your whole life, just like your relationships with others so in the nicest way possible, you probaly haven’t worked it all out yet.
If we waited until we loved ourselves fully before letting anyone else in we’d probably all be single forever which isn’t a problem, but I quite like having Dan to slob out with.
Don’t let a lack of love for yourself stop you from loving, or accepting love from someone else.
Usually, the person that loves you shares all the things they adore about you and sometimes you end up looking at those parts of yourself in a more flattering light also.
I’d always wanted to be taller until I met Dan. Turns out it’s one of his favourite things about me (after my quick witt and great sense of humour). He thinks I’m bloody adorable so now I don’t mind that part of me, because someone else has shown it love. Thanks miniscule legs for helping persuade Dan I’m cute.
The kind words you save for others should sometimes be spent on you. Make sure to fill your head with nice conversations to feed your mind and body with all that good it needs, although I know it’s not always easy.
You don’t have to be in love with yourself before someone will love you because quite frankly, it’s just not down to you. You irrisistable human.
Lots of love,