Getting older doesn’t frighten me.
It’s a privilege stolen from many and I’m so glad I’ve been lucky enough to reach the ripe old age of twenty five.
The hangovers are getting worse as promised. A rather interesting line is already presenting itself on my forehead, which I can only imagine is from raising my eyebrows at far too many humans and that’s it. They’re the only two things I can think of that I might trade out, but if it came down to it I don’t think I would. Actually no, get rid of the hangovers… and that line.
Each passing year has helped me grow with self confidence. I have a clearer idea of what I actually like (and not what I’ve been told to like) and I find myself letting go of what others think of me meaning I can get on and do things I want to do.
All of my birthdays up until now I have spent doing the things I thought one should spend their birthday doing.
Going clubbing and walking home with heels in one hand and cheesy chips in the other.
I’m not here to judge. If that’s your idea of a great night out I sallute you but it’s not for me anymore. I don’t think it ever was.
Happily I’ll admit I’ve never felt “cool enough” for clubs. Not sure if it’s my inability to talk to the opposite sex, the fact I don’t listen to new music or that I have two left feet but something always left me feeling like a polar bear in the amazon.
Just thinking of the outfits I have worn out before on my birthday make me shiver. Shorts, skirts, see through tops and heels I can’t walk in smack bang in the depths of winter.
Frozen feet as I gave up on those shoes I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk in when I brought them and not quite making it home in time resulting in having to pee somewhere I’d rather not.
NO MORE. PLEASE.
I only get one a year, I’m going to spend it doing something that brings me joy.
The more I try to live an intential life and check in to what I really love, the more I rethink my idea of birthday celebrations.
Anxiety levels usually reach 100% for me after a big night out (meaning nearly always the morning after my birthday). I love a good dance every now and again but I can’t stand the “beer fear” in the morning. Wondering what I said and if I fell over and embarressed myself consumes me and ruins the following day and sometimes a few days after that.
This year, I decided to make an attempt at a celebration with myself in mind. My first in a long time spent doing something I really wanted to, not what others might like me to do.
It’s amazing to think there are activities in life that we participate in even though the thought of them makes us want to rock back and forth in a dark room. I’m not sure about you, but I take part in these things because I don’t want to come across as boring. It’s only now I’m a little bit older that the thought of someone thinking I am boring, doesn’t actually bother me.
Spending my birthday having lunch with a friend, soaking in a long bath in the evening and seeing my family the day after was perfect. Low key, simple and slow. I woke up with no anxiety, a bank balance which looking below average (as it always does) but okay and best of all I’ll be able to remember this birthday as we did something meaningful.
I encourage you to sit down with a cup of tea and ask yourself. When am I honestly at my happiest? What do I really enjoy doing and what’s worth spending my money on?
This of course isn’t limited to birthdays or celebrations. Everyday should be spent doing what you love and what is personally important to you but that’s quite an overwhelming thought so birthdays are a good place to start your re-evaluating.
If you realise going to a rave is your idea of heaven then you go do that. If you feel curling up with a book and a hot chocolate is a bit of you, then that’s what you should spend it doing. This is your day so do something unapologetically for yourself.
My best friend Holly-Rose and I share the same birthday week so we usually celebrate together. This year we chose to go to the Ivy in Bath for lobster and champagne and it was just what I needed and I’m so glad twenty five is a birthday I won’t forget. Having lobster with my lobster.
As I’m finishing writing this blog post it’s the day after a lot of businesses have been told to shut up shop for the forseable. We are all wondering when we’ll be alowed to go out for dinner or drinks again so reminising is making me think I’ll never take the simple pleasure of going out for lunch for granted EVER again.
Lots of love,