The twenty something files – So when do you think you’ll have kids?

Hello all, I hope you are well and had a fabulous weekend. Mine was spent hugging a bottle of prosecco and celebrating my last as a miss. It’s now the wedding week and me and the girls can’t think of anything else to talk about right now. I mean who would have thought that…

A) I’d manage to successfully plan a wedding when I can’t even do up my bra with my arms in the straps

and

B) Would find someone to marry me assuming I can’t talk to the opposite sex.

But here we are.

Meeting up with the girls these days we talk about an array of different subjects which are far from what we used to. “So why do you think he hasn’t text me back” comes up less often (however still does) and “he broke my shitting glass tea pot” comes up more and more. Wine in hand we sit in one of our gardens and mull over the fact that even though we’ve been saving since we were eighteen we’ve got minus twenty pounds and the perfect foundation is still not in sight. We need to stop drinking so much, who’s having sex and who’s mum is wondering when they were thinking of having children.

My mum has never expected grandchildren by a certain time and my sisters just had a beautiful baby boy, meaning I can cuddle the squidge and sleep at night which is fantastic. However, being somewhere in your twenties, sometimes you can’t help but feel it’s expected of you to know if/when you are going reproduce and to give a certain type of response to the question – “So when do you think you’ll have children?”. Even if you know you don’t want them you refrain from telling your nans mate because you don’t want her to judge you or hear the usual response “you say that now but it’ll change”.

When I first met Dan he told me he’d like to have kids. Following a quick bathroom hyperventilate we quickly brushed past it. Two months later I decided I could see myself having one child with him in the future, that I would gift away at four and have back at eighteen. I think I’ve decided now we’ll keep the child for the duration. We are at the stage where we’re soon to be newly weds and want to enjoy that ‘just us time’ for now. I ideally want to be working for myself before we do have children but who knows, sometimes you can’t plan it all! If we’re lucky enough, there will be some at some point.

Maybe sometimes age does change your mind and maybe sometimes it doesn’t. Maybe you want to drink wine, have a social cigarette and spend your money on an ever growing collection of face masks. You might have known you’ve wanted children since you got your first baby Annabel. Both are of course absolutely acceptable, as is everything in between. You are not the same person as you were last year, probably not that same as you were last month. Your experiences, challenges and interactions shape you as you grow and you are not required to know all you want right now (and you also have to power to change your mind!). My uncle always used to say I was the ‘sporty child’ and I made a decision that getting out of breath didn’t thrill me so much so I’ve changed to the ‘wine child’ which suits me much better.

We need to change to the ‘when’ to ‘if’ because having kids is just not on everyone’s to do list. Deciding to have children is something that might not be a straight forward decision for some and for others seems to be taken out of their hands entirely. It could be a not yet or HELL NO. You don’t need to tell everyone your business, but don’t feel like you need to give a certain response to these questions that get put to you so frequently. It’s your lovely life, you live your best one.

Lots of love, K x

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6 Comments

  1. jackie
    July 29, 2019 / 9:09 pm

    Hi, i realise now, but should have realised much sooner, how hurtful the question can actually be. I couldn’t get pregnant and had fertility treatment before having my twins and felt so rotten when people kept asking as soon as i was married, when are you going to start your family. But i have recently caught myself saying the same thing to other people without thinking. My own daughter is struggling to conceive also at the moment. We do like to assume that it is what everyone wants and indeed can achieve, when the truth is so far from that sometimes. I for one will try to leave talk of children and pregnancy to the time when anyone makes their happy announcements. Wishing you so much luck and love for your Wedding Day! Congratulations. 🙂 <3

    • mindmovementandmalbec
      July 29, 2019 / 9:37 pm

      It’s hard isn’t it because we all mean these things in the nicest way possible ❤️ I’m so sorry to hear that about your daughter, it’s a miracle isn’t it! Yes me too though sometimes it can be hard! Thank you so so much lots of love ❤️❤️❤️ xxxx

  2. July 30, 2019 / 1:39 pm

    Love the honesty of this blog post – especially as it’s a topic that we all could be a bit more sensitive about! You’re completely right though – ‘when’ should be more of an ‘if’. Not everyone wants to have children. Not everyone wants to buy a house. Heck, not everyone wants one of those fancy velour Made.com sofas (although I find this the hardest to wrap my head around. They’re beaut!). But anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for getting the conversation rolling on something that is important!

    • mindmovementandmalbec
      July 31, 2019 / 8:51 am

      Thank you so much I really appreciate your comment! I completely agree not everyone wants to do these things that some people use as a measure of success (the sofa thing however I mean who wouldn’t!? 🤣). Thank you so much lovely xxx

  3. July 30, 2019 / 9:30 pm

    This! People have been asking my husband and I pretty much since we started dating -.- and while it’s in the picture, it’s not the immediate priority for sure! And even if it wasn’t in the picture at all, whose business is it really? I understand it (usually) comes from a place of excitement, but… Anyway, I appreciated your post! Congratulations on your marriage! Many happy returns 🙂

    • mindmovementandmalbec
      July 31, 2019 / 9:55 am

      Yes we are exactly the same! We would love some in the future but really enjoy it just being us at the moment and like you said, who’s business is it anyway… I mean currently I can barely even look after myself haha! Thank you so much Rachel lots of love xxx

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