I know I made a YouTube video on this very subject, however, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to sit there and watch me awkwardly play with my hands or listen to me get out of breath while I talk nervously to the camera.
Twelve weeks have passed since I started exercising again. My entire adult life I’ve only exercised for a few reasons. One, I should like to be thin and two, I have no will power around food therefore I must exercise to counteract the calories. Just a punishment for doing such a normal act in life, called eating.
As I’ve found out these reasons aren’t sustainable ones, they are more like a recipe for eating disorders and exercise exhaustion.
Patiently I waited to arrive at a headspace where I could exercise with a different purpose in mind. At the beginning I thought I could just tell myself that I was doing it to be healthy and then everything would fall into place. Even though I did this I still got on the scales every morning and punished myself for eating peanut butter kit-kats every evening. It’s an exhausting cycle for someone that also expends her energy into drinking lots of wine and working. There truly was nothing left.
That’s when I stopped exercising and dieting all together, gained around two stone and I was sad I couldn’t fit into any of my clothes anymore but let’s face it, I didn’t like any of them anyway.
What I’ve found is that you can only move forward once you’ve accepted the current situation. I’m not saying I had to accept I was fat to become thin. What I’m saying is I had to accept myself for who I was and fall in love with me for the first time in a long time. This then helped me to realise I was already beautiful and I didn’t need to change aesthetically for myself, or anyone else.
Tears stopped dramatically falling from my eyes when I got stuck in skinny jeans and I managed to laugh instead. I even walked into Topshop once or twice without panicking that everyone was wondering why I was there. Hun, you’ll find Per Una in M&S down the road…
I brought new clothes in sizes I would have refused to pick up the year before and it didn’t make me want to jump in front of the next transit van that drove past. A definite improvement if you ask me.
If you live in a world where you think “everything will be okay when I” you’re never really living for the now. For some reason I thought I would be able to start living my dream life, writing and feel true happiness when I became a size eight.
Once I accepted myself for who I was I felt like I actually could achieve the things I really wanted. I set up my blog and I now write twice a week, film YouTube videos, became the manager at my nine to five, post pictures of myself on instagram and started to teach myself photography. I never thought I could do any of these things at the weight I was but it turned out as long as I liked myself and thought I deserved good things it didn’t matter what I looked like.
This was groundbreaking for me and I have a new found confidence in my abilities, that guess what, have nothing to do with a four pack.
Just over three months ago I ran up the stairs in an odd moment of enthusiasm and felt like I had just completed a marathon and wanted to throw up. Strangely, I didn’t tell myself off for getting to this place nor did I think badly about myself at all. I just thought I would love to be able to charge around like a crazy person and not feel sick. That is how I knew I was ready to start exercising again.
I downloaded the Sweat app by Kayla Itsines and started moving my body. Each week doing three HIIT sessions (twenty eight minutes long) and going for three leisurely strolls. Much to my amazement I can do eleven push ups in a row, ten burpees without stopping and I look forward getting outside for my LISS.
I still took progress photos and that’s because even though the physical changes aren’t my goal they are still a pleasant side effect. If I had not looked different I wouldn’t have stopped because I’m no longer being controlled by an aesthetic goal. I feel great and I look great, but I thought I did before.
If you’re looking for an easy to follow, little-to-no equipment, home exercise regime then I can’t recommend SWEAT enough.
I am so glad I started exercising when I did because it’s kept me smiling through some hard times recently and I feel a lot more energetic. Basically, I could kick ass right now.
Here are my twelve week transformation photos and I couldn’t be more proud. Oh and just so you know I jumped on the scales to be nosy and guess what, I haven’t lost a single pound.
Move your body, but move it because you’re so in love with it.
Lots of love,